apples of gold

It probably only took a few minutes.

You thought about it off and on, then finally sat down and wrote it.

You chose a card (it was so perfect).  You picked up a pen.

Maybe you took a few moments to gather your thoughts.  Then again, maybe it was just there in your heart, each word lined up, ready to be written.

You wrote.  You penned.  You scrawled.

Then you folded it.  Tucked it into an envelope.  Addressed it quickly because other things were calling.

You stamped it.  And, if you are like me, you placed it in your mailbox and raised that flag that calls the mailman to stop at your box.

Then...you probably didn't think much else about it.

I know the steps.  I've done them hundreds, maybe thousands, of times in my life.

But the effect at this end, the giver becoming the receiver, well, I'm not sure you understand.

Your words reminded me of this:

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver
Is a word spoken (written) in right circumstances" (Proverbs 25:11).

I'm not sure I truly understand that saying.  But I've seen some artsy depictions of it.  And let me tell you, they are B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!!

And that is what your kind words mean to me.

Perhaps I DID do something to merit your thoughts.  I'm not sure, maybe.

But I think that God did something through me that touched you and thus you responded in my heart-language.  Snail mail.  (Love it!)

All I know is that the day before my mailman dropped those cards in my box, I had told God I was weary.  Or was it frustrated?  Lost maybe?  Not sure that I was doing what He wanted me to be doing at this stage in my story.  So why bother.

I'll admit it, I was low.  (Stinkin' thinkin'!!)

I battle with depression.  Unfortunately, or not, it IS a symptom of being a creative person.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps I need the deep down blues in order to be motivated to write.  All I know is that statistically artists and writers (even actors and musicians) struggle with depression.

I haven't been really down, you know that down-downness where even brushing my teeth seems futile, I've not been there for many years.

But I've been on the edge, finding my feet beginning to slip down that slippery slope of stinkin' thinkin'.

I was there just the other day. I could see the ground beginning to teeter.

So I cried out to my Father in Heaven, the One who, even though He is the Creator of all things, still lifts me to His lap and bends His ear down to hear my whispers.

I love the LORD, because He hears 

My voice and my supplications.

Because He has inclined His ear to me,

Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.

Psalm 116:1-2

And what was His response?

He, in His omnipresent way, saw me those days before I was slipping.  He saw me on Monday, and He knew exactly what I needed.

So He moved in your heart, whispered in your ear, "Write that note to her!  She needs it."

And you heard.  And you heeded.

And all I can say is...what an awesome God we both serve.



(I am a prayer warrior by God's gifting.  And with it I've used my writing gift to encourage others with snail mail.  I encourage you to take that minute or too and just write a simple note to that woman that God has been nudging you about.  Just write "I prayed for you today."  I can tell you it will make her day AND glorify God in the giving.)

His Plans

This is an open letter to a friend who is in a transition time in her life.  She's feeling a little down and lonely and "unused" by God.  As I began to write to her I thought that maybe there are others of you out there who are also going through a sabbatical time and could use these thoughts on the subject.

Dear sister-in-Christ,

I heard what you were saying last night at our study, how you are feeling kind of left-out because you are not preparing for youth ministry this year, and I wanted to encourage you if I could.

So I was praying and trying to find just the perfect edifying words from The Word that would encourage you in this season of your life, but I just kept coming back to the old familiar words of Jeremiah 29:11.

I know you know them too.  "'For I know the plans that I have for you (dear friend),' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"

Familiar words.

Fresh thoughts (I hope).

I looked up the key words and this is what I found.

welfare is the Hebrew word shalom.  Yes that word.  Meaning peace.  I had never connected this verse to receiving His peace before.  I like that.

calamity literally means "friend, friend of the king".  Strange thought.  This did not seem quite right, but then I see it is often translated "adversary."  Better.

Adversary.  Someone who tries to undermine my faith, to pull me down, to work against me.  How thankful I am that God's plans for me are not to tear at me, burdening me to go where I do not want to go.

future literally means "after part; end."  So God's plan will take me right up to the end.  To that moment when I breath my last gasp and wake in His arms.

Can you see what I see here?  That we are to view God's plans for us as bringing us peace, the absence of fret and worry, that they are not adversarial making us pull back, but they will see us through to the end (He'll never leave us!)

hope means "expectation".

We should be at peace with all seasons knowing that God has a plan for us that is peace-filled, not heavy-laden, expecting the best from Him right up until the end.

And in this spirit, His Spirit, I am praying for you.

I totally understand the transitional times, how they can seem lonely and empty.

I urge you to spend more time drawing closer to our Lord in prayer and in meditation on His Word.  For I have found these down times to be times when He is trying to break through my striving, my serving, my doing to get closer to me.

Sometimes He needs to wipe my slate clean so He can begin writing the "rest of the story," as Paul Harvey always said.  The rest of His-story through me.  Through you.

Be of good courage, dear sister.  He is not through with you yet.  This is merely a pause in the action.

For HE knows the plans He has for you.  Plans that you can stake your life on, that you can hope in.  He is still moving you toward the end of those plans.  And He is still walking with you, even now.

On bended knee, Peggy

God's Calling to Ministry is Not Based on My Abilities.

I love to teach.  I LOVE to teach.  Truly, I love to teach.

But...

Of late I have fretted and fumed each time I have offered to teach.  Especially when faced with being the "older" woman to newly-wed, hope-filled brides.

I DO love to teach.  Especially God's word to the pre-prepared soil of the hearts of tween girls.  And love it, I do, when I learn so much more than I'm going to teach.

Because for me teaching is all about the preparation.

But....

I have struggled of late to try and change my demographics.  You know, I AM older now.  (Don't laugh!  Sure YOU knew I was old, but my heart remains slightly older than a tween.  Wish my body knew that.)

I tried to teach the young women's study, but it was a fiasco.  I couldn't get myself behind me, away from me, out of the way, so that God's Self, His Spirit, His leading could fill me and use me.

So I gave up.  Don't judge me.  It's not that I gave up, caved in, ducked under the covers and never poked my head out again.

If I had, we wouldn't be here now.

No, I gave up trying to "mature" my Spiritual gifts along with my age.

(I downloaded my camera pics and found over 100 mostly taken by Drew!  She's my little artist.  And these were all in July!  Yes, we needed jackets in that last pic!  In JULY!)

You see, I've been working with the tween girls for . . . about . . . well now, its been over 30 years now!  Yikes!  I was called late to God's salvation.  I wasn't a youth when I was hauled (no lovingly slow and easy adoption here), I was HAULED kicking and screaming into God's family.

So that means, 30 plus 20-something, makes me, okay, I can say it.  I'm 58.

I figured I was getting too old to do the middle school thing. It hurts to run now and throw a ball?  No way.   I KNOW I am too old to keep up with the youth.   Especially when it comes to Ultimate Frisbee in the dark with blinkie necklaces and lit-up discs.  (That was SO ultimately fun!  Sorry for knocking down the 6th grader that ran into me!)  Did you hear they want to make Ultimate Frisbee into an Olympic Sport? Yeah!

But I digress.

I thought that I was too old, too mature, too from the we-didn't-even-have-remote-controlled-TVs age group.  It's hard to relate to these techno wizards who are socially connected 24/7.

Too old.  Maybe.

But God's calling to ministry is not based on my ability.  I'll repeat that, not for you, but for me!  God's calling to ministry is not based on MY ability.  (Funny that until I wrote that I hadn't really thought of it before.  Thank you, Father.)

Shortly after becoming a Christian I found myself teaching Sunday school to Kindergartners.  Then a need arose to lead the 6th grade girls and I jumped at the chance.  They know how to read, right?

And what joy I found in allowing God to use me to teach His truths to these up-and-coming adults!

Third times a charm, so I'll repeat myself.  God's calling to ministry is not based on MY ability.  And I thank Him for that truth.

I gave up trying to "grow up" in ministry.  He is not calling me to lead women's ministry.  And I've learned that there is no better place to be than in the center of God's will for you!  And His will for me is to teach and love on middle school kids.

How about you?  Did God call you to rock babies in the nursery on Sundays?  If He did, don't feel guilty that you enjoy it so much.  I confess that I totally dislike it.  Okay, I'll say it honestly.  I HATE working in the nursery.  So, please, please, please continue to love on those wee ones, and rejoice there.

Maybe He called you to mercies and with mercy to cook, really well.  And you LOVE doing it!  Keep at it!  (Yes, another pet peeve on mine, though I do volunteer for funeral food.)

Maybe, just maybe, you haven't found that perfect place to serve yet.  I urge you to keep trying.  Try all of the opportunities at your church.  And pray.

James 1:5 reads "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all (wo)men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him (her)."

If you need some further reading, outside of your Bible, I recommend Radical by David Platt and Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.

Limping

I never would have thought it.  No way.  That I could have something so intensely personal in me that is shown to also be in Jacob, aka Israel.

Strange.

I have been musing over how to write about the past year.  About what I learned when so much was taken from me.

And then this Sunday the sermon was on Jacob.  And I thought, wow, I know what that feels like.

Now don't jump to conclusions.  I am a truth-teller to a fault.  Just watch me squirm when you ask about your new blouse or hair cut that I'm not to hip on.  They say I wear my feelings on my ...face.  (What happened to my sleeve where I can hide them under a jacket?)

Jacob's name means deceiver.  And that he was.  From fooling the doctor when he acted like he would be born before his twin Esau, to robbing Esau of a blessing from dad (a blessing not worth deception), Jacob became his name.

But when it came to reuniting with Esau after a few decades of separation, he was so scared that he couldn't sleep.  He hatched a plan to give Esau much of what he had:  cattle and herds, family members, etc.

Yet it wasn't until he wrestled with God and refused to let go of God until God blessed him (a blessing worth having), only when he had basically given up everything and finally himself, was he blessed by God.

Okay, now that I've written that, a poor recital of a great sermon, it sounds lame.  But here goes nothing.

I too THOUGHT I had given up everything to God.  First, my health (fibromyalgia).  Then my mom, my ministry, my friends, my ... My, My, My.  (Possession might be 9/10 of the law, but not in a so-called godly life!)

I had not yet given ALL to God.  I thought giving all up to God meant I gave up earthly things like shopping, and parties, gossiping and coffees out.  These losses would make more room for ministry, like working with the youth of my church.  

I didn't know that God wanted it ALL, even the "righteous" things.

Being laid up for 6 weeks, pretty much alone, and feeling very sorry for myself, I finally realized I needed to give it A-L-L up.  I had to turn to Him alone.

"God will orchestrate details of your journey until He has led  you to the place where you come only to Him to be blessed" - Pastor Tom Rempel, Faith Bible Church.  Jacob wanted his earthly father's blessing.  Then his father-in-laws blessing of a wife.  It took him nearly all his life to finally turn to God.

And this:  "If when you wrestle with God about what He should do with you, you will never walk the same again" (Ibid.)

That last part is literally where I am right now--limping.  My foot surgery went well, but recovery can take up to a year.  So I'm still limping.

And my soul-surgery will probably take a life-time to recover from.  Things have been stirred up in my life.  I'm no longer the jump-on-the-band-wagon volunteer-for-every-ministry girl I used to be.  I am learning to be content, to wait on God, to know that He IS enough for me.

For "when you wrestle with God you suddenly discover that when you lose, ultimately you win" (Ibid.)

The Bible seems full of such backward thinking.  You know what I mean.  To be strong you must be weak.  To be first, you must be last.  And to gain everything you must first lose all that you thought was a gain.

Like Paul I am trying to

"... count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith" (from studylight.org) Philippians 3:8-9.

The things I think I have "lost" truly are of no value when compared to God.  I would therefore rather let go of all of them, refuse to accept any more of them, so that I might be completely in the center of His will for me.  For there is no better place to be than in the center of God's will for you.

When things get slow in the summertime.

Sometimes my 7 year old g-girl Drew snatches up my camera and goes looking for some art.  And surprisingly her snaps are more creative than not.  These are just a few.

We've had a fun filled month of summer vacation.  She had swimming lessons for 2 weeks and did awesome. We had VBS at church where she reconnected with Kolia a kindred spirit in energy.  And this week is the 4th of July, so we'll stay up late and do the fireworks thing.

Here is her sister caught by her lens:

That's her mean-girl look.

Now to try and keep the fun going for the last month and a half of this summer.  Maybe we'll do some more creative snap shots.

Five Minute Fridays: Release

Well, here it is another Friday.  I've only linked up once before, I think, cuz I can't seem to remember how and EVERY Friday is too much for this old gal.  But today it is release.

Release.  I am surprised that this is the theme this week.  But really I shouldn't be.  I simply LOVE to see God work things together in my heart before I realize He is there working.

You see, just today, as I was praying over many things, and many people I try to remind Him to take notice of, I was moved to release.

Release the worry about whether the VBS drama I am in charge of will work out okay or not.

Release the fear that the grumpies I experienced yesterday with my fussy ggirl will raise its ugly head next week when I'm trying to be an example to my ggirls and my actors.

Release the fear that The Pain will raise its ugly head and try to thwart God through me!

For all these things have come in the past.  All these things have come and God has always shown up.  And all has been as He desires it to be.

I know I love when He pushes me to my limits, physically, emotional and spiritually, then when I can't hold on any longer, He pries my fingers loose.  And when I free-fall, He is there beneath me (above me, around me, and always IN ME!) to carry the weight.

Release.  It does my soul good.

So join me with your 5 minutes of from the hip writing!



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All of Me?

"Here I am, Lord.  Send me!"

I have shouted those words over and over in my heart.  Missionaries come to share what they are doing out there in the world of the lost, and I beg God to send me.

Teens with such awesome faith travel to foreign lands and come home to share it with me.  And I beg God, "Please!  Send me!"

Then in His own time, in that still small voice, He shakes His head and says, "Not this time."

Have you ever wanted to serve God so fully that you shout to Him to use you, but He quietly refuses.  Or so it seems.

I have always believed Isaiah 40:31.

"Those who wait upon the LORD

Will gain new strength;

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary."

I have believed these precious words.  I have waited.  And waited.  And waited.

But I have not waited unproductively.  I once heard a lesson on this waiting, that it is an anxious-for-the- arrival kind of waiting.  A running to the window every few seconds to see if it (they) have arrived.  Like waiting for company.

And that is the definition of the word waiting here in Isaiah 40:31.  The Hebrew word is qavah.  And the definition of it is "to wait, look for, hope, expect" (Stong's).

I know this kind of waiting.  Whenever guests are expected at our home, I clean and cook and clean some more.  I pace, I sit, I check the driveway.  Impatience personified.

I would be in trouble if the verse said to wait patiently for the Lord.  Patience.  Not so much.

One year ago I felt a tugging at my heart about my "service" to the Lord.  He was saying it was time to stop striving, to stop doing for Him, and just wait.  So I, more like we, hubby and I, resigned from youth work and began a period of waiting.

Again, remember, I am not good at patience.  But He kept reminding me that it is not my service He wanted, but me.

I figured okay I'll pray and wait and wonder.  In the mean time, I better have my foot looked at since I could no longer walk a block without pain.  I figured it was some type of strain and that I needed different walking shoes.

X-rays revealed nothing.  Confining my foot in one of those bulky, ortho, walking boots was my next step.

Okay.  I'm waiting.  Guess I can limp around in that.  

Ortho boots are not easy to get on and off, and since it was my right foot, that is exactly what I had to do if I wanted to drive anywhere alone.

Guess what?  I decided not to run errands during the week.  It was so much easier to stay put.

So I waited.  And waited.  6 weeks turned into 8 by the time I got an MRI (because the boot didn't help!).  Patience wearing very thin as the holidays came.  Passed.

Then the results of all the waiting.  A torn tendon in my foot.  Treatment:  surgery.

Now, I'm not new to surgery.  I've had a number of them, mostly simple, 2 rather intense.  And I know my body, the one with fibromyalgia.  The one that does not handle pain well.

Surgery.  This is not the type of service I had had in mind when I said, "Here I am, Lord.  Send me!"  I had meant, here I am, healthy and strong and raring to go and move mountains for You!  

And He is saying, "All of you?  You give me all of you?"  yes.  "Then this is what I'm calling for now."

So I wait.  I wait for the date of the surgery.  I wait to deal with crutches and some scooter thingy and pain and not seeing my ggirls as often.

Did I really expect His work for me to be fun and games?  Well, I had come from youth ministry with wild games of chase, over-night laser questing, and motivating summer camps.  Not to mention FOOD!

And now?  

I truly believe that there is no better place to be than in the center of God's will for you.  Someone said that once and I've thought of it often.

So I truly believe that strength will come as I wait.  I'll do the next thing, as Elisabeth Elliot wrote.

And I'll remind God--I'm not much of a patient.