Let the words

I did it again!  I must have, for I hear that familiar refrain, "Oh, Peggy."

That is a clue that what I said did not really match what was in my mind and heart.

Like the time I ran into a sweet younger woman in age, but older in faith, at the Post Office.  I had thought to just run in an mail somethings, so I hadn't put on make-up (cause the postal clerks don't mind???) nor did much with my hair.  And what DID I have on for clothes?

I don't remember that part.  But I do remember her telling me about coming from the gym.  And though I did not see evidence that she wasn't all put together as usual, I blurted out, "Oh, good.  I'm not the only one who looks like this!"

Really.  Truly.  That popped out of my mouth.  I hang my head in shame.

At the moment I was worried that I looked horrible and I found some kind of commeraderie in thinking that maybe she didn't feel all put together either....

Then she laughed and said that refrain, "Oh, Peggy." And gracefully, yes fully of grace, hugged me and hurried out the door.

Why is it that we can't seem to not say the stupid things that pop into our heads?  Or did I just do it again?  I lumped you into my suffering, foolish mind.

Of course YOU don't say everything that is on your mind.  YOU don't feel that bile taste of foot-in-mouth syndrome like I do.

Or do you?  (Kind of looking for someone who understands and suffers like I do, people.)

That's what is on my mind today.  And this verse:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart

be acceptable in your sight, 

O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

 Psalm 19:14

This brings me up short.  This puts the emphasis not only on what I allow out of my mouth, but also what I am allowing into my thoughts.

And what had I been thinking before speaking it?  I was thinking about ME!  How do I look if I run into someone I know?  What will she think of me?

In wasting time thinking about myself, I miss opportunities to hear how she is and what God is doing in her life at the moment.

Thus I need to repeat this verse often to myself.  And this one,

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 

Try me and know my [foolish, selfish] thoughts; 

And see if there be any hurtful way in me, 

And lead me in the everlasting way" (Psalm 139:23-24)

What I learned in September

I'm joining my other blogger friends in seeing IF I learned anything this month.  No wait, they did for sure.  Me?  We'll see.

1.  I definitely prefer to be comfortable rather than fashionable.  Don't believe me?  Check out the denim capris I've been rocking (Oh, I wish) this cooler days.

2.  Okay, taking a pic of myself in a mirror when its cloudy out doesn't really work.  All for the best.  From this selfie you can't really see that these are elastic waist jeans capris.  Totally grandma 101, right?  But at least I can breath.

3.  Prayer is awesome.  I did already know this, but sometimes I am reminded of it again.  Awesome!

4.  I can clean my house in a few hours on an off day (I normally do cleaning on Mondays) to be ready for Bible study hosting.  Toilet and sink clean.  Floors scrubbing or swept.  Living room vacuumed.  Thankfully my flock members don't notice its still dusty or that there are a few stray toys under things.

5.  Don't lock the screen door during a night football game when Hubby is gone.  Learned this the hard way.  I know I debated whether to lock the screen door at all as the evening wore on and the lights came up in the house, but I do feel a little safer with it locked.  Until I get 2 phone calls back to back (I didn't answer the first one.) at 12:07 a.m.  I answer worried that Hubby is in the hospital or something, "What's wrong?"  I hear "the door's locked" and think (say?) "Yeah.  So."  When I open the door Hubby waits.  I wait.  Why is he not coming in?  Then he rattles the screen door.  Oh.  I unlock it and turn around and head back to sweet sleep.

6.  If grandgirls watch you do something, like turn the computer monitor back on or off, they will never forget and you won't be able to keep them out of the computer.  (If the screen is black they think, or used to, that the computer is off.)  Now what?

7.  If you get WiFi at your house you will never, ever know the password.  I mean, come on, that was months if not years ago that we set it up!  Am I to remember everything?

8.  On a more serious note, The Pain loves the change in the weather.  This has been a particularly rough Summer to Fall transition.  The Pain has raised its ugly head and I am nearly defeated.

9.  Did I mention that prayer is awesome!  And The Pain does not like it.  awesome.

Okay, so I can't come up with ten things.  I hope these things that I've realized are things I've learned, otherwise I may be repeating them in a list yet to come.

How about you?  Have you learned anything lately?

And this is worship.

My heart was soaring.  Truly flying over this earth and hoovering just there, below the Heaven I long for.

It was a Saturday night.  Normally I would have been secure on the couch doing something with my hands as Hubby watched football.

But the game this week was in town.  And at night.  (Not a good combination.  Fans can't seem to figure out what to do until that kick-off time.)

I found myself alone.

So I wandered about the house, tried to watch a movie and do some busy work for Tiny Hands International, a ministry I work for that is stopping sex trafficking in Nepal, Bangladesh and India for thousands of girls.

And when my forearm ached from flexing it, stapler barely held in check, I wandered into my room where I pray.

That's when it happened.

It was almost as if the veil of Heaven, the one Jacob saw angels coming out of, opened up and I joined the choruses of angel songs praising my Father.

I didn't just come out of me spontaneously.  First I had to be still.

I know in this hectic world, stillness, that not moving not listening to anything, is the most difficult place to find and stay in.  My mind tends to wander, to go to those things I haven't done yet.  Or to counting those carbs that overwhelm me in this new eating I'm in.

But this night I pulled out my Bible and the study book of the names of God my women's study is going through, and I began to read passages that turned my thoughts, and my mind, to my awesome Dad, Yahweh.

So David blessed the LORD in the sight of all the assembly;

and David said, 

"Blessed art Thou, O LORD God of Israel

our Father,

forever and ever.

Thine, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the 

glory and the victory and the majesty,

indeed everything that is in the heavens and the earth;

Thine is the dominion, O LORD,

and Thou dost exalt Thyself as head over all.

--1 Chronicles 29:10-11

Ryrie Study Bible

And then David's prayer to Adonai Yahweh:

Be gracious to me, O God,

be gracious to me,

For my soul takes refuge in Thee;

And in the shadow of Thy wings I will take refuge,

Until destruction passes by.

I will cry to 

GOD MOST HIGH,

To God who accomplishes all things for me.

--Psalm 57:1-2

Do you feel it?  Is your heart growing lighter?  No?  Then how about:

He who dwells in the shelter of 

THE MOST HIGH (Elyon)

will abide in the shadow of 

THE ALMIGHTY. (Shadday)

I will say to the LORD,

"My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust!'

--Psalm 91:1-2

How about now?

Shout joyfully to God, all the earth;

Sing the glory of His name;

Make His praise glorious.

Say to God, "How awesome are Thy works!

Because of the greatness of Thy power 

Thine enemies will give feigned obedience to Thee.

All the earth will worship Thee,

And will sing praises to Thee;

They will sing praises to Thy name." [Selah.

--Psalm 66:1-4

Speaking of singing, let's add some really good music, like Mystery by Charlie Hall (I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this song) and Creed by Rick Mullins.

If this doesn't get your soul dancing and singing and praising God with Psalms and songs of praise, I'm not sure what will.  Check your pulse.

I wept as I prayed.  I sang really loud (and probably off key).  And I sat quiet as I contemplated who I am (which is not important, except for), Whose I am.

I believe that we must be broken to be of any use to God.  Broken in heart, broken in soul.  Busted up, like crashing a vase to the cement and having it shatter.  Little tiny pieces that can't be put back together, or can they?

God is the Great Re-cycler.  A re-Purposer of the highest degree.  He not only sweeps up every last tiny dust particle that used to be me, but he breathes new life into it.  

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, 

he is a new creature; 

the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 

--1 Corinthians 5:17

God takes our shattered lives and He vacuums up the pieces.  Then He mixes those dust particles with His Son's blood, forming a new me, a new you.  Then to top it off, He breaths new life into us.  His life.  His very Spirit.  Breathed into me?!

Goose-bumps!

And this, my friend, is worship.

What I learned this summer, hopefully.

Prompted by Lori Harris over at http://loriharris.me/2014/08/29/10-things-i-learned-this-summer/ I'm going to give you a few things that I THINK I've learned.  Sometimes the lessons don't take and I have to learn them all over again :-)

1.  You CAN find a kindred spirit right here in blog-a-sphere.

2.  A summer with low humidity is so much easier to tolerate than the opposite.  I know this because normally southeastern Nebraska is humid, though we seldom say you can cut it with a knife.  This summer was so much drier in the air that I could handle even the 90's without complaint.  (Right now the humidity is heavy and my lungs seem to struggle to get oxygen out the the wetness.)

3.  God's precious Word is alive.  True, I already knew this, but it has been so very alive again this summer.

4.  A "God bless you" from the other room from the lips of a near 2 year old is so very precious after a sneeze.

5.  I do not like clutter.  My daughters may scoff at that because I seem to always have clutter.  And its EVERY where!  But it's getting on my nerves lately.  Too much stuff or too little house?  The first I'm sure.

6.  Being artistic requires a certain amount of clutter.  I know, I don't like it, but I find that my artsy Ggirl, aka photographer, works best when she can lay out a few supplies and really get down and dirty with her art.  (See the T-shirt she made above.)

7.  When the word gets out that you are a prayer warrior, satan tries to rob you of your time.  It took me awhile to accept that one of my spiritual gifts is prayer.  Its so not me!  In my "closet" with no one around, alone, oh, except for God.  But now that I love being one, communing with God alone, just He and I, I get a little covetous of my prayer time.  (Where do my mornings go?)

8.  God cares for the girls being sold, often by their parents, into a life of sex slavery.  I praise Him for rescuing over 6,000 girls through the work of Tiny Hands International.  (Check us out at  http://www.tinyhandsinternational.org/ )

9.  For me, memorizing a psalm is harder than the whole book of Philippians was!

Psalm 139:1-2

for the choir master, a psalm of David

O LORD

Thou hast searched me and known me.

Thou dost know when I sit down and when I rise up;

Thou dost understand my thought from afar.

I love that last line.  It fits in so well with my prayer life.

So much for the what I learned this summer.  It was not too busy here in Huskerville.  Just the right mixture of sun, water, family and church.  And the weather was AW-some!

How was your summer?

apples of gold

It probably only took a few minutes.

You thought about it off and on, then finally sat down and wrote it.

You chose a card (it was so perfect).  You picked up a pen.

Maybe you took a few moments to gather your thoughts.  Then again, maybe it was just there in your heart, each word lined up, ready to be written.

You wrote.  You penned.  You scrawled.

Then you folded it.  Tucked it into an envelope.  Addressed it quickly because other things were calling.

You stamped it.  And, if you are like me, you placed it in your mailbox and raised that flag that calls the mailman to stop at your box.

Then...you probably didn't think much else about it.

I know the steps.  I've done them hundreds, maybe thousands, of times in my life.

But the effect at this end, the giver becoming the receiver, well, I'm not sure you understand.

Your words reminded me of this:

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver
Is a word spoken (written) in right circumstances" (Proverbs 25:11).

I'm not sure I truly understand that saying.  But I've seen some artsy depictions of it.  And let me tell you, they are B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L!!

And that is what your kind words mean to me.

Perhaps I DID do something to merit your thoughts.  I'm not sure, maybe.

But I think that God did something through me that touched you and thus you responded in my heart-language.  Snail mail.  (Love it!)

All I know is that the day before my mailman dropped those cards in my box, I had told God I was weary.  Or was it frustrated?  Lost maybe?  Not sure that I was doing what He wanted me to be doing at this stage in my story.  So why bother.

I'll admit it, I was low.  (Stinkin' thinkin'!!)

I battle with depression.  Unfortunately, or not, it IS a symptom of being a creative person.  I'm not sure why.  Perhaps I need the deep down blues in order to be motivated to write.  All I know is that statistically artists and writers (even actors and musicians) struggle with depression.

I haven't been really down, you know that down-downness where even brushing my teeth seems futile, I've not been there for many years.

But I've been on the edge, finding my feet beginning to slip down that slippery slope of stinkin' thinkin'.

I was there just the other day. I could see the ground beginning to teeter.

So I cried out to my Father in Heaven, the One who, even though He is the Creator of all things, still lifts me to His lap and bends His ear down to hear my whispers.

I love the LORD, because He hears 

My voice and my supplications.

Because He has inclined His ear to me,

Therefore I shall call upon Him as long as I live.

Psalm 116:1-2

And what was His response?

He, in His omnipresent way, saw me those days before I was slipping.  He saw me on Monday, and He knew exactly what I needed.

So He moved in your heart, whispered in your ear, "Write that note to her!  She needs it."

And you heard.  And you heeded.

And all I can say is...what an awesome God we both serve.



(I am a prayer warrior by God's gifting.  And with it I've used my writing gift to encourage others with snail mail.  I encourage you to take that minute or too and just write a simple note to that woman that God has been nudging you about.  Just write "I prayed for you today."  I can tell you it will make her day AND glorify God in the giving.)

His Plans

This is an open letter to a friend who is in a transition time in her life.  She's feeling a little down and lonely and "unused" by God.  As I began to write to her I thought that maybe there are others of you out there who are also going through a sabbatical time and could use these thoughts on the subject.

Dear sister-in-Christ,

I heard what you were saying last night at our study, how you are feeling kind of left-out because you are not preparing for youth ministry this year, and I wanted to encourage you if I could.

So I was praying and trying to find just the perfect edifying words from The Word that would encourage you in this season of your life, but I just kept coming back to the old familiar words of Jeremiah 29:11.

I know you know them too.  "'For I know the plans that I have for you (dear friend),' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'"

Familiar words.

Fresh thoughts (I hope).

I looked up the key words and this is what I found.

welfare is the Hebrew word shalom.  Yes that word.  Meaning peace.  I had never connected this verse to receiving His peace before.  I like that.

calamity literally means "friend, friend of the king".  Strange thought.  This did not seem quite right, but then I see it is often translated "adversary."  Better.

Adversary.  Someone who tries to undermine my faith, to pull me down, to work against me.  How thankful I am that God's plans for me are not to tear at me, burdening me to go where I do not want to go.

future literally means "after part; end."  So God's plan will take me right up to the end.  To that moment when I breath my last gasp and wake in His arms.

Can you see what I see here?  That we are to view God's plans for us as bringing us peace, the absence of fret and worry, that they are not adversarial making us pull back, but they will see us through to the end (He'll never leave us!)

hope means "expectation".

We should be at peace with all seasons knowing that God has a plan for us that is peace-filled, not heavy-laden, expecting the best from Him right up until the end.

And in this spirit, His Spirit, I am praying for you.

I totally understand the transitional times, how they can seem lonely and empty.

I urge you to spend more time drawing closer to our Lord in prayer and in meditation on His Word.  For I have found these down times to be times when He is trying to break through my striving, my serving, my doing to get closer to me.

Sometimes He needs to wipe my slate clean so He can begin writing the "rest of the story," as Paul Harvey always said.  The rest of His-story through me.  Through you.

Be of good courage, dear sister.  He is not through with you yet.  This is merely a pause in the action.

For HE knows the plans He has for you.  Plans that you can stake your life on, that you can hope in.  He is still moving you toward the end of those plans.  And He is still walking with you, even now.

On bended knee, Peggy

God's Calling to Ministry is Not Based on My Abilities.

I love to teach.  I LOVE to teach.  Truly, I love to teach.

But...

Of late I have fretted and fumed each time I have offered to teach.  Especially when faced with being the "older" woman to newly-wed, hope-filled brides.

I DO love to teach.  Especially God's word to the pre-prepared soil of the hearts of tween girls.  And love it, I do, when I learn so much more than I'm going to teach.

Because for me teaching is all about the preparation.

But....

I have struggled of late to try and change my demographics.  You know, I AM older now.  (Don't laugh!  Sure YOU knew I was old, but my heart remains slightly older than a tween.  Wish my body knew that.)

I tried to teach the young women's study, but it was a fiasco.  I couldn't get myself behind me, away from me, out of the way, so that God's Self, His Spirit, His leading could fill me and use me.

So I gave up.  Don't judge me.  It's not that I gave up, caved in, ducked under the covers and never poked my head out again.

If I had, we wouldn't be here now.

No, I gave up trying to "mature" my Spiritual gifts along with my age.

(I downloaded my camera pics and found over 100 mostly taken by Drew!  She's my little artist.  And these were all in July!  Yes, we needed jackets in that last pic!  In JULY!)

You see, I've been working with the tween girls for . . . about . . . well now, its been over 30 years now!  Yikes!  I was called late to God's salvation.  I wasn't a youth when I was hauled (no lovingly slow and easy adoption here), I was HAULED kicking and screaming into God's family.

So that means, 30 plus 20-something, makes me, okay, I can say it.  I'm 58.

I figured I was getting too old to do the middle school thing. It hurts to run now and throw a ball?  No way.   I KNOW I am too old to keep up with the youth.   Especially when it comes to Ultimate Frisbee in the dark with blinkie necklaces and lit-up discs.  (That was SO ultimately fun!  Sorry for knocking down the 6th grader that ran into me!)  Did you hear they want to make Ultimate Frisbee into an Olympic Sport? Yeah!

But I digress.

I thought that I was too old, too mature, too from the we-didn't-even-have-remote-controlled-TVs age group.  It's hard to relate to these techno wizards who are socially connected 24/7.

Too old.  Maybe.

But God's calling to ministry is not based on my ability.  I'll repeat that, not for you, but for me!  God's calling to ministry is not based on MY ability.  (Funny that until I wrote that I hadn't really thought of it before.  Thank you, Father.)

Shortly after becoming a Christian I found myself teaching Sunday school to Kindergartners.  Then a need arose to lead the 6th grade girls and I jumped at the chance.  They know how to read, right?

And what joy I found in allowing God to use me to teach His truths to these up-and-coming adults!

Third times a charm, so I'll repeat myself.  God's calling to ministry is not based on MY ability.  And I thank Him for that truth.

I gave up trying to "grow up" in ministry.  He is not calling me to lead women's ministry.  And I've learned that there is no better place to be than in the center of God's will for you!  And His will for me is to teach and love on middle school kids.

How about you?  Did God call you to rock babies in the nursery on Sundays?  If He did, don't feel guilty that you enjoy it so much.  I confess that I totally dislike it.  Okay, I'll say it honestly.  I HATE working in the nursery.  So, please, please, please continue to love on those wee ones, and rejoice there.

Maybe He called you to mercies and with mercy to cook, really well.  And you LOVE doing it!  Keep at it!  (Yes, another pet peeve on mine, though I do volunteer for funeral food.)

Maybe, just maybe, you haven't found that perfect place to serve yet.  I urge you to keep trying.  Try all of the opportunities at your church.  And pray.

James 1:5 reads "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all (wo)men generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him (her)."

If you need some further reading, outside of your Bible, I recommend Radical by David Platt and Don't Waste Your Life by John Piper.