Friday, October 3, 2014

Let the words

I did it again!  I must have, for I hear that familiar refrain, "Oh, Peggy."

That is a clue that what I said did not really match what was in my mind and heart.

Like the time I ran into a sweet younger woman in age, but older in faith, at the Post Office.  I had thought to just run in an mail somethings, so I hadn't put on make-up (cause the postal clerks don't mind???) nor did much with my hair.  And what DID I have on for clothes?

I don't remember that part.  But I do remember her telling me about coming from the gym.  And though I did not see evidence that she wasn't all put together as usual, I blurted out, "Oh, good.  I'm not the only one who looks like this!"

Really.  Truly.  That popped out of my mouth.  I hang my head in shame.

At the moment I was worried that I looked horrible and I found some kind of commeraderie in thinking that maybe she didn't feel all put together either....

Then she laughed and said that refrain, "Oh, Peggy." And gracefully, yes fully of grace, hugged me and hurried out the door.

Why is it that we can't seem to not say the stupid things that pop into our heads?  Or did I just do it again?  I lumped you into my suffering, foolish mind.

Of course YOU don't say everything that is on your mind.  YOU don't feel that bile taste of foot-in-mouth syndrome like I do.

Or do you?  (Kind of looking for someone who understands and suffers like I do, people.)

That's what is on my mind today.  And this verse:

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight, 
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
 Psalm 19:14

This brings me up short.  This puts the emphasis not only on what I allow out of my mouth, but also what I am allowing into my thoughts.

And what had I been thinking before speaking it?  I was thinking about ME!  How do I look if I run into someone I know?  What will she think of me?

In wasting time thinking about myself, I miss opportunities to hear how she is and what God is doing in her life at the moment.

Thus I need to repeat this verse often to myself.  And this one,

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 
Try me and know my [foolish, selfish] thoughts; 
And see if there be any hurtful way in me, 
And lead me in the everlasting way" (Psalm 139:23-24)