Friday, October 30, 2015

When prayer's answered hard

What joy we have had in the past few months.  First Oscar Ray joined our family as a tiny little thing that already smiles and giggles.

Then it was our youngest daughter delivering Jesse Iven, a not so tiny line-backer kind of boy at over 8 lbs. I think our grand-parent quiver is about full.

Below is one day old Jesse being welcomed to the family for the first time by Big Sis and Big Bro and the other Grandma Irene.

(Those last two are some of 60 pics I found on my phone that my Big Sis took on her own one day. 60!  I deleted a number of blurry and crazy ones. Where was Gma anyway?)

Those praises said, I'm going to ponder a little about the thing on my heart.  You may get to read this, or it may just stay on my draft file.  We'll see.

I have been burdened of late to pray for the salvation of all these grandkids, for my family.  I have prayed often for my daughters as they grew and matured and went out on their own or with a hubby.  But as they became adults themselves, it seemed that whenever I prayed for them hard things would drop on to the path they walk.

Have you had that happen?

I would pray for wisdom and they would have BIG decisions to make.  Pray for their marriages and I would soon be hearing how hurt they felt.  Pray for the gkids and I'd hear that they were flunking out or partying too much.  (This comes when you have gkids in college and in the nursery.)

Has this ever happened to you?  Have you felt burdened to pray AND guilty for doing it all in the same breath?

I know that a person must be brought low, really low, with all things gone and nothing left to cling to, before they can see that its only up that they can look.

But, God . . . .

This past year or so I realized that every time I prayed for my family I would get a phone call of lament from the one I prayed for.

Then, I would quit.  Quit praying.

And things would quiet down.

Then I would feel the burden growing and I would have to give it to God.  And it would all start again.

Nothing seemed to "stick."  No permanent answers.  No confirmations of "success".  Nada.  Zilch.

So this summer I determined that I would NOT stop praying.  I decided that maybe the answers weren't coming through because I would STOP praying when it got too much.

You see it is very hard for the FM Gma to listen to the difficulties in her family.  It is really, really stressful.  And stress breeds nerves and nerves turn into The Pain.

But if I just dropped the request they seemed to fall back into worldly ways once the present trial was over.

So I decided I would pray THROUGH the trials.  I would continue daily.

And things got HARDER.  The trials, mostly physical, hit and hit hard.  Physical, emotional, spiritual.

Was it my fault?  Should I let it go?

Then I felt like Job, though I wasn't covered with sores, and my family is alive, and we still have a home to live in.

But Job's words were pointed out just then in my devotional reading:

"'Oh that my request might come to pass,
And that God would grant my longing!
Would that God were willing to crush me;
That He would loose His hand and cut me off!
But it is still my consolation,
And I rejoice in unsparing pain,
That I have not denied the words of the Holy One.
What is my strength, that I should wait?
And what is my end, that I should endure?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
Or is my flesh bronze?
Is it that my help is not within me,
And that deliverance is driven from me?'"
--Job 6:8-13

I have no answers for you.  I can warn you that if you ask me to pray for the salvation of your family member, I'm libel to only do it once.  Because first I want to be selfish.  First I want to pray for MY family, to see answers for MINE.

Forgive me for my selfishness.  I admit, when it comes to my kids, I am the Mama Bear protecting them and wanting them safe and redeemed.

If you too have felt this burden when you pray for yours, let me know.  Or am I alone in this?

On bended knees,

Thursday, October 8, 2015

Cuba? Maybe.

(NOTE:  This is rough, but going to post it as it is getting old.  Started watching the 3 kiddos below again and am tired.)

Hello family and friends.  I know its been awhile since I last wrote something.  (And its been a few days since I typed that!) At the last post we were deep into espanol and congegating verbs and all.

But things have changed.

First of all, he came:

Oscar is our 14th grandchild, 6th of the male kind.  He came on the 17th of July and his sisters ADORE him.  (That's an understatement.)

I have been on "maternity leave" from my paid nanny job, but have been enjoying seeing my gkids (all 5 that are in town) more often.  It's does a grandma's heart good.

Not sure where the summer went.  I know, I'm old.  We all think time passes too quickly.

In the mean time, we had taken a break with our formal Spanish tutoring for July.  When August finally arrived, our maestra (teacher) felt she was too busy with her new responsibilities at her real job.  Bummer.  We do miss you Michaela.  And our espanol is getting weak again!

I'm still doing some with DuoLingo, but its not the same as having a person to correct my pronunciation and sentence structures.

No more movement toward Cuba either.  Not sure if we dreamed a calling to there or truly "heard" God's words.  More prayer is definitely needed.

So I've been waiting for something, anything to write about.  Too long a wait, I know.  I continue to work for Tiny Hands International sending out One Girl Prayer Bracelets.  Check out our updated web site at and if you are led to pray for the interception of girls and boys being trafficked out of Nepal, India and Bangladesh, purchase a bracelet.  I'll be the one mailing it out to you.

I am doing an on-line Bible Study this Fall because I wasn't sure if I could make it to a study after watching a newborn again.  I'm truly thankful for Liz Curtis Higgs for putting together the book, videos and emails.  Its almost like being at a study.  "It's Good to Be Queen" a study on the Queen of Sheba.  Who knew there was that much to unpack?  (I know, God did)

My Saturdays are rather lonely as Hubby heads out to sell hotdogs at the Husker games.  He even has t-shirts available:  You've Been Dogged by the King.  I think he forgets that he sells at the games for free admission.  But if you need a place to relax and chat, I'm usually at home here.

Pray for us as we reevaluate Cuba and language studies, etc.